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Hello. I'm Allison McNair. Welcome to NH Outlook. How are you dealing with stress and grief? In this program, we'll hear from Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Don Murray about living with the loss of a child. We'll also take you to the military memorials for two Granite State soldiers. And first, coping with war anxiety. |
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The president Monday night addressed the nation and the world, giving Saddam Hussein 48 hours to leave Iraq or face military action. The President's ultimatum made history. It also moved the world closer to the brink of war. So, how do we prepare for this experience? And what do we say to our children? Joining me tonight. Dr. Charles Ott, a School Psychologist and current Superintendent of schools in Somersworth and Rollinsford; Portsmouth therapist and author Ashley Davis Prend and George Samuels, Director of Family Counseling for Child and Family Services. Quite simply, between the slow economy and the looming threats of war and terrorism, people are on edge. 1. How can adults deal with their own anxiety? How does it affect children? 2. What's the most important thing we can do for children? As Parents Teachers What are the signs of stress in children? How do we talk to our children - Should we deal with different age groups differently? . Are there rules of thumb for different ages? Some children are at "greater risk" -who - kids with folks activated? Parents should inform teachers One woman says she feels uncomfortable when war with Iraq is brought up because she and her husband are reservists? How deal with that? How much do we tell children? Honesty always the best policy? 3. What role does television play in all of this? 4. How can parents reassure children when they themselves are feeling anxious? 5. How will the schools be handling this? 9-11 tvs were on What about taking action - sending cards etc to servicemen? How important is communication between schools and parents? 6. War and terrorism aren't the same thing. Terrorism affects innocent people. Are feelings of anxiety different? 7. What role, if any, does humor play? |
| Intro Soldiers Return to index of stories... |
As our country teeters on the edge of war with Iraq, the nation is preparing for what is sure to come with it -- loss of life. Casualties of war, no matter what the number have personal stories attached. Two New Hampshire soldiers have recently died - both in training accidents. For their families, grieving and remembering has just begun. |
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Sound at funeral Narr 1 - On March 12 at the NH State Veterans cemetery in Boscawen, a soldier was laid to rest. Sound of taps Narr 2- Sergeant William Tracy Jr. died on February 25 - one day shy of his 28th birthday. He lost his life in a helicopter crash in Kuwait. Three other crew members were also killed. Dissolve to shot at church Narr 3 - Earlier in the morning, Bill Tracy Sr. remembered his son at a church service in Webster. Sound of Bill Sights and sounds at the cemetery Narr 4 - As the Tracy's were saying good-bye to their son, another NH soldier was taken from his family. Private First Class Andrew Stevens of Stratham died on March 11 with ten other soldiers when their Blackhawk helicopter crashed at Fort Drum, NY. Sound of memorial Narr 5 - There was a memorial last Friday at Fort Drum. Sound of memorial |
| Intro Murray Return to index of stories... |
So, how does someone learn to live with the loss of a child? Pulitzer Prize winning author and Boston Globe Columnist Donald Murray has written a book about the death of his daughter, Lee. The book is called the Lively Shadow. |
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--- Open with nat of Don reading a bit at the bookstore TAPE #4 05:13 Life gives writers the stories they must tell when then their long apprenticeships gives them the craft. 05:18 -- track Don Murray reads from his book, The Lively Shadow, at the White Birch bookstore in North Conway. -- sot Don Murray 2:11:30 TAPE # 1 I'm a storyteller and I had avoided telling the most important and most terrible story I had ever lived through. I avoided it for 25 years and felt that I had to tell the story because it's really a basic human story of all times and all civilizations and if I was going to become a storyteller I sort of owed this to do this. 2:11:55 -- track In his book , Don Murray writes about losing one of his three daughters - his middle child, Lee. -- sot TAPE #1 2:13:13 - she was a sensitive person, a very real person. We tried to keep her real. We reminded and have mentioned Minnie Mae told a story the other day, after a game in high schoolshe was driving big yellow suburban and there was a six pack of beer in the car and so she threw it out so the police wouldn't get them of course it and she threw it and it landed on a police car. And Minnie Mae had heard about this went to the police station and said "My daughter will not do this"and she came home and found that she had and she went back to the police station to apologize. We were very careful not to make her a saint, an unreal person that her siblings would have to compete with. 2:14:01 -- track At age 20, Lee Murray got sick and took some aspirin. But instead of feeling better, she got worse - and at the hospital, she was diagnosed with Reyes syndrome. Although doctors tried everything - nothing worked. Lee died. In his book The Lively Shadow, Don writes about the days in the hospital leading up to his daughter's death and about the days, months, and years that followed. -- 2:09:50-2:11:19 TAPE #3 I try to imagine the future. Will we "get over it" and be cured of mourning? Will we forget and find comfort in forgetting? Will we remain in the unreal reality, dreaming through life, hoping we will wake and it will all be untrue? Then I shop in a store in our small town and the owner, who I have in my grief forgotten has lost a son, shocks me by saying, It won't get any better, Don." I step back as if he hit me. He watches me but refuses to apologize or attempt to gentle his brutal counsel, but strangely, as I leave, I find myself taking comfort from that statement. Lee's death will be a part of us forever. It will mark us forever. There will be no healing as there is when a leg is amputated, We will become who were are: "The Murrays, who lost a daughter, you know" And as we live this life, we will always feel the leg I have heard amputees talk about. That feels cold, pain, itches, lives on in memory. It will not get any better, and I feel a strange comfort in that. I will have to live this changed life as well as I can. There will be no healing, but I will become familiar with this new life, always having at my side, the daughter no one else can see. I might even find comfort to know she will always be near. 2:11:19 --- -- track Don also writes of grief - and the ways he and his wife , Minnie Mae, expressed their sorrow. -- sot 2:18:19 What happens at a time like this, you have to live true to your own personality. You can't put on, as I mentioned Minnie Mae never cried …This doesn't mean she didn't feel the loss and suffer the loss as much as anyone else and I'm the kind of person that can cry at a commercial, so I was weeping all the time that didn't mean that I was saddened mre deeply, one of the things, you have to live your life your own way, you have to live your grief your own way. 2;18:48 -- Track And even though Lee has been gone for 25 years, there are times when Don thinks he sees her. -- SOT 02:04Tape 1 Several times I see students that look like her. Of course, she remains 20, I had breakfast this morning with a dentist in town that was at UMass at the same time and of course he's middle-aged so there's that but usually you see her at the age she was, you see her in strange places, in the pops orchestra or on tv, or driving a car. The most extreme cases I write about in the book is in Sienna when it just went right into the fantasy or whatever it is, and started chasing her and she disappeared. It's very real and you have to catch yourself. For me and Minnie Mae it it's not soo much the holidays, the birthdays - you kind of steel yourself for those in a certain way , it's the unexpected times it catches you and there she is. 03:07 -- sot, TAPE 3 2:11:37-2:13:06 I imagine my memories of Lee fading. Her glasses her face, the way her hair fell towards her shoulders, how she walked. Her smile. The intensity when she practiced the oboe. Her thoughtfulness, her temper, her tears. All gone. Erased. Forgotten. Not remembered, lee would not appear in my dreams, never come quietly into my office and sit while I wrote. I would never imagine I saw her walking across campus, noticed her driving by in a car we no longer owned, heard her practicing in the other room. I would never feel the guilt at not staying by her bed in thehospital, never relive the blurred days after her death when I felt I was walking in an ocean of molasses, never feel the always unexpected, always painful sense of emptiness at her passing so many years ago. To those who wrote asking for help in getting over it, I gave this counsel: Imagine you could forget. Think how terrible it would be not to dream, not to remember not to miss, not to be sad, not live with this lively shadow that no one else can see by your side, always alive in memory, laughing, teasing, worrying suffering, sharing the life you go on living. Remembering may be a celebration or it may be a dagger in the heart, but it is better, far better than forgetting.2:13:06 |
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For more information on our program, streaming video, links to the latest headlines, our guests and interviews and to tell us what's on your mind in our discussion forum, visit our website at nhptv.org. |
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On the next New Hampshire Outlook - a statewide campaign to make healthcare coverage a priority. |
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That's it for this edition of our program. For all of us here at New Hampshire Public Television, I'm Ally McNair. Thanks for joining us. We'll see you next time on New Hampshire Outlook. |
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Thanks to our founding sponsors who have provided major funding for the production of New Hampshire Outlook: New Hampshire Charitable Foundation Public Service of New Hampshire Stratford Foundation |
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Tonight on New Hampshire Outlook, war anxiety. Experts talk about ways family, friends and coworkers can cope in these uncertain times. Tonight at 10:30 on New Hampshire Public Television. |
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Tonight on New Hampshire Outlook. a statewide campaign to make healthcare coverage a priority. Tonight at 10pm on New Hampshire Public Television. |
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NEW HAMPSHIRE OUTLOOK Air Date/Time: 3/17/03 22:00 HOST: Allison McNair Length: 15:00 minutes In this edition of New Hampshire Outlook, NHPTV's nightly news magazine, we begin with the conflict in Iraq. The president Monday night addressed the nation and the world, giving Saddam Hussein 48 hours to leave Iraq or face military action. The President's ultimatum made history. It also moved the world closer to the brink of war. So, how do we prepare for this experience? And what do we say to our children? In studio Dr. Charles Ott, a School Psychologist and current Superintendent of schools in Somersworth and Rollinsford; Portsmouth therapist and author Ashley Davis Prend and George Samuels, Director of Family Counseling for Child and Family Services. PRODUCER/REPORTER: Allison McNair NAME OF PARTICIPANTS: Dr. Charles Ott\Superintendent, SAU 56, Ashley Davis Prend\Author & Psychotherapist, George Samuels\Director, Family Counseling - Child and Family Svcs |
| key: War / Veterans Return to index of stories... |
NEW HAMPSHIRE OUTLOOK Air Date/Time: 3/17/03 22:00 HOST: Allison McNair Length: 15:00 minutes In this edition of New Hampshire Outlook, NHPTV's nightly news magazine, we begin with the conflict in Iraq. The president Monday night addressed the nation and the world, giving Saddam Hussein 48 hours to leave Iraq or face military action. The President's ultimatum made history. It also moved the world closer to the brink of war. So, how do we prepare for this experience? And what do we say to our children? In studio Dr. Charles Ott, a School Psychologist and current Superintendent of schools in Somersworth and Rollinsford; Portsmouth therapist and author Ashley Davis Prend and George Samuels, Director of Family Counseling for Child and Family Services. PRODUCER/REPORTER: Allison McNair NAME OF PARTICIPANTS: Dr. Charles Ott\Superintendent, SAU 56, Ashley Davis Prend\Author & Psychotherapist, George Samuels\Director, Family Counseling - Child and Family Svcs |
| key: Family / Marriage Return to index of stories... |
NEW HAMPSHIRE OUTLOOK Air Date/Time: 3/17/03 22:00 HOST: Allison McNair Length: 15:00 minutes In this edition of New Hampshire Outlook, NHPTV's nightly news magazine, we begin with the conflict in Iraq. The president Monday night addressed the nation and the world, giving Saddam Hussein 48 hours to leave Iraq or face military action. The President's ultimatum made history. It also moved the world closer to the brink of war. So, how do we prepare for this experience? And what do we say to our children? In studio Dr. Charles Ott, a School Psychologist and current Superintendent of schools in Somersworth and Rollinsford; Portsmouth therapist and author Ashley Davis Prend and George Samuels, Director of Family Counseling for Child and Family Services. PRODUCER/REPORTER: Allison McNair NAME OF PARTICIPANTS: Dr. Charles Ott\Superintendent, SAU 56, Ashley Davis Prend\Author & Psychotherapist, George Samuels\Director, Family Counseling - Child and Family Svcs |
| key: War / Veterans Return to index of stories... |
NEW HAMPSHIRE OUTLOOK Air Date/Time: 3/17/03 22:00 HOST: Allison McNair Length: 3:30 minutes In this edition of New Hampshire Outlook, NHPTV's nightly news magazine, we begin with the conflict in Iraq. As our country teeters on the edge of war with Iraq, the nation is preparing for what is sure to come with it -- loss of life. Casualties of war, no matter what the number have personal stories attached. Two New Hampshire soldiers have recently died - both in training accidents. For their families, grieving and remembering has just begun. PRODUCER/REPORTER: Phil Vaughn NAME OF PARTICIPANTS: Bill Tracy Sr.\William's Father |
| key: Family / Marriage Return to index of stories... |
NEW HAMPSHIRE OUTLOOK Air Date/Time: 3/17/03 22:00 HOST: Allison McNair Length: 3:30 minutes In this edition of New Hampshire Outlook, NHPTV's nightly news magazine, we begin with the conflict in Iraq. As our country teeters on the edge of war with Iraq, the nation is preparing for what is sure to come with it -- loss of life. Casualties of war, no matter what the number have personal stories attached. Two New Hampshire soldiers have recently died - both in training accidents. For their families, grieving and remembering has just begun. PRODUCER/REPORTER: Phil Vaughn NAME OF PARTICIPANTS: Bill Tracy Sr.\William's Father |
| key: Family / Marriage Return to index of stories... |
NEW HAMPSHIRE OUTLOOK Air Date/Time: 3/17/03 22:00 HOST: Allison McNair Length: 7:30 minutes In this edition of New Hampshire Outlook, NHPTV's nightly news magazine, we begin with the conflict in Iraq. So, how does someone learn to live with the loss of a child? Pulitzer Prize winning author and Boston Globe Columnist Donald Murray has written a book about the death of his daughter, Lee. The book is called the Lively Shadow. PRODUCER/REPORTER: Allison McNair NAME OF PARTICIPANTS: Donald Murray\Author - The Lively Shadow |
| key: Culture / Arts Return to index of stories... |
NEW HAMPSHIRE OUTLOOK Air Date/Time: 3/17/03 22:00 HOST: Allison McNair Length: 7:30 minutes In this edition of New Hampshire Outlook, NHPTV's nightly news magazine, we begin with the conflict in Iraq. So, how does someone learn to live with the loss of a child? Pulitzer Prize winning author and Boston Globe Columnist Donald Murray has written a book about the death of his daughter, Lee. The book is called the Lively Shadow. PRODUCER/REPORTER: Allison McNair NAME OF PARTICIPANTS: Donald Murray\Author - The Lively Shadow |